We have been in China for almost 6 weeks now.

Only 3 more days before our return to Malaysia – REAL food, genuine smiles and the English language.
Not that we don’t like China, it’s just that we’ve had enough.
The food, the people, language difficulties, cigarette smoking, all eventually wear you down.

We are currently in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province. Everyone should come here at least once in their lifetime – it’s like wandering around in a classic Chinese painting.

The place is quite beautiful.

We are always on the lookout for new ideas or themes for future tours. The latest concept on the drawing board is to plan a Hospital Tour of Mainland China. This would involve tour members being admitted to as many hospitals as practicable within a two or three week period.

The experience could be life-changing.  Anyone interested?

Veronica and I have done extensive research in this area over the past 10 years.
We have an intimate knowledge of the hospitals in most major centres throughout China.
Our latest project involved Veronica being admitted to the Hangzhou General Hospital with Pneumonia.

Despite the dower nature of her research the entertainment meter just kept banging off the scale.
In short, their hospital system works. How it works, God only knows.
We spent a whole day being shunted from one floor to another, one counter to another. Pay money, blood test, pay money, x-ray, pay money, medicine.

While we’re standing in Radiology, which more closely resembled the graphics department of a fashion magazine, a typhoon struck.
It was like a bewitching scene from Mary Poppins with papers flying everywhere and the world outside appearing to swirl around like the inside of a washing machine. The noise beating at the window was some kind of sinister howling. Veronica slapped her boobs against a board and smiled for the x-ray.

After every hospital manoeuvre you have to consult the Oracle.
The Oracle is a little buck-teethed girl wearing thick glasses and a stethoscope for decoration.
She was apparently the only doctor who could speak ‘any’ English, so we were sent to her.

Her consulting room was annexed to a huge Railway Station and was over-run by patients milling around trying to be assessed. You just have to push in. If it’s your card she takes next, then everyone stands around and listens to your problem. The Doctor makes her comments and then everyone joins in with their opinion. Once everyone has had their say, the patient leaves with a prescription created by concensus and then the masses start jostling for position, and on it goes.

Of course the biggest problem in China is that they haven’t yet figured out that smoking is bad for you.
It’s OK to smoke in Restaurants.  Infact it’s almost compulsory.
The world has woken up to the dangers of unprotected sex and now the Inventor in me wants to design condoms for cigarettes. This would help protect us all from the disgusting habit and hopefully, by some deftly designed implosion technique, help to remove offenders from the gene pool even sooner than usual.

The Chinese Government should be doing a lot more to protect the health of its citizens.
I envisage millions of little Death Rooms being set up all over China for the 99.9% of Chinese males to go and suck toxic fumes into their decaying bodies and spare the precious lungs of women, children and Australian tourists.

So that’s about it. We saunter around beautiful West Lake in the morning and Veronica spends the afternoon hooked up to a drip at the Zhejiang Hospital.
Beer is really cheap.

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